Loneliness has seeped into my brain recently. Not the loneliness of friendship, I have great friends. But I have no one who I can share my life with. Sure, I can share portions of my life with my friends (not so much my family) but not alot at a time. I feel as if I will not be complete until I find someone to spend my time with.
The loneliness got me thinking. I thought about myself, who I am. I've come to realize a number of things. 1. I Love who I am. I rest assured anyone who knows me will take that in the right sense. 2. I've come to accept that not everyone in the world will be a friendly acquaintance to me, no matter how hard I try. I also realised that, over my life, I know I have been judged alot by what I look like, not who I am.
There is not one part of me I would change. I accept me. However I find that many people over the years have labeled me according to my looks and my talents/hobby's, as most individuals in society tend to do. Most people tend to place me into the 'nerd' category because I wear glasses or because I'm intelligent or because I enjoy video games. But these things, while being things representative of me, are merely the scratch upon the surface of who I am. Most people don't stop to see that I love poetry, that I relax to the sound of Spanish guitar, that cooking shows endless possibilities to me, that every day new ideas for some book or movie pop into my head, that I still think that one day I'll be a cartoon character myself with super powers, or the fact that my friends, with their diverse personalities, always cheer me up.
And so people decide to judge me before they know me. In time, ill accept that. I just wish I could find that perfect someone who would love me for all of those things. And perfect isn't all the categories some trashy magazine uses to rate the females of our society. No, by perfect I mean a girl who I can love for who she is. Everything about her would shine in my heart.
So, while I talk about love, there are a few things I wish to say.
1. If you like someone, talk to them, as much as possible. Please for the love of god and all that is holy do not ignore who you like because it supposedly keeps them keen. Its crap. If a person likes someone who ignores/doesn't talk to them often, they will assume the person does not care for them at all and spiral into a tunnel of endless depression.
2. People in relationships, please do not ignore your friends. Spending time with your significant other is one thing, but completely shunning your friends is another.
3. Never take any relationship for granted.
I also need to say: random contact amongst friends is so vital its amazing. Randomly email the friends you dont see often, please, because you never know when that person needs a lift. I know I haven't done that often enough, but ill try to in future.
For those of you who still check my blog, please understand that whatever retarded thing I just wrote down is the product of the combination of tiredness and the wreck that is my emotional state. Im not rechecking this, I dont care, Im trying to get a load off my chest.
